The new shrink ain't so bad. She told me twice that she was not scared, which was probably because I was trying to scare her.
I had a horrible day yesterday. I just felt so miserable that I couldn't ... couldn't ... do anything. I fell asleep and got up at 11 pm and felt a little better. I made myself a sandwich and went to bed. I am due to take my exam on philosophy on Sunday.
I am preparing for it, but I have a lot more to do. I watched bunch of not so special movies and finished reading Henry Miller. There is something about him that gets stuck on your mind and ... well one of the things that is stuck in mind is, he in one context describes the sunset as, "The sunset was as red and bloody as a torn asshole." I don't know how to feel about it. Any other writer I would have dismissed is as a cheap shocking trick. I remember seeing a video of Miller on YouTube. It was a news clip form somewhere in the 70's where he gave a tour of the streets of New York to the reporter giving a glimpse of his bohemian life. Actually such a reference is not entirely rare. I remember reading a Sanskrit expression where is described, the redness of the water in a lake at sunrise, as being similar to the redness of the water of a lake after a menstruating elephant has bathed in it. I need to read a lot more of Henry Miller, that is all I can make out of this. The ending meanwhile is great. It goes into a hurried narration , very unlike him, and ends in a contemplative note which questions everything in the book, including the purpose of writing and reading it.
The weather is still horrible. It has rained about 5 to 10 drops since last Sunday. It seems to be intently mocking me with rare and big rain drops. I hear the western coast is receiving heavy rainfall. So heavy indeed that some of the cities have shut-down and many villages evacuated. And yet not a drop more here.
I was quite busy the last few days as I had a timed project I had committed to. Now I am quite free. I will be seeing the shrink again tomorrow. So I hope there will be an update.
My neighbour had a baby. It was born merely minutes after the eclipse. I haven't been to see it yet. I plan to wait for 10 days. It is a girl.
I haven't decided what to read next. I want to get started on something today.
That's about it.
What a bizarre juxtaposition. Something as lovely and transcendant as a sunset compared to something as dirty and base as an asshole. Is that what Miller is all about?
ReplyDeleteOh! not at all. He writes surreal and a hippie interpretation of what every guru, swami, lama or teacher preaches these days. He was ahead of his time, really ahead of his time. The ideation or rather the absence of ideation for living in the PRESENT that every modern guru preaches is something he practiced effortlessly. In fact he seems enlightend in a distorted sort of a way.
ReplyDeleteThe reference to the asshole is not pleasant. But, I think he is trying to make the opposite inference. Why do you feel that an asshole is "dirty and base"? It is our prejudices that drive us to see it so. I think rather than seeing is as an affornt to a beautiful sunset, I would prefer to see it as a complement to the asshole, an asshole as seen without prejudice or contempt, an asshole seen as beautiful.
I strongly feel that the quote should be taken in context. Perhaps it is my own prejudices and biases that led me to focus on ''that'' expression and to quote it in this blog.
I re-read the chapter and have some thoughts. He is going through a nihilistic sort of a mood after which comes this comment. He is trying to say, I think, that life is a hurdle in the pursuit of pleasure and beauty. That is a reference he often returns to. He sees the sunset as a hurdle in the celebration of the day. He takes great pleasure in shocking his readers, and he does it not like most others do but in his own peculiar ways.
ReplyDeleteHe is known to have suffered from piles most of his life and references to blood in feaces is not infrequent.