Among the castles I have been building in air, one of them is a best-selling novel dedicated 'To the one I am yet to find'. I thought it would be an ideal dual refrence to the happiness and faith, both I am yet to find.
I always thought it odd that, girls dreamt of a prince charming , one who would come on a white horse and take you away to a land far far away and live happily ever after. When I was desperated and depressed enough to start dreaming of ' happily ever after' as a reason to get up in the morning some how I conjured up an idea of a princess.
I argued to myself , if a girl can dream about a prince, why can I not, dream of a princess. I talk to my princess daily. She likes surprises. She it moody and tempermental. A little insane, just as I like it. I refer to my princess as "SHE" before my shrink. My princess gives my more comfort than anyone ever did. Apparently there is still a lot of shrinking to be done.
I am reading Don Quixote. I have prided myself of my intelligence almost everyday since I remember. But ..... ignorance is bliss. Is Don happy? Is Forest Gump happy? Is Dustin Hoffman in Rainman happy?. I like to believe they are. If not them, then who else.
'I will never feel better' is a conclusion, I arrived at one evening while riding in a bus in 2002 . I doubt if I have 'lived' even a single day since. Now I am beginning to wonder I 'lived' a single day before that either.
It is difficult to try to be happy when you don't know what happiness is.
Hi story teller...I believe that one can always feel better. At one moment you could feel crap but the next moment brings other things to lift you up. I see my life as a journey of learning how to be better, feel better... The mind is a powerful force and if you tell it things like "I will never feel better" then somehow they become a reality. I hope I haven't overstepped the mark in saying this ...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the boost.
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