Among the castles I have been building in air, one of them is a best-selling novel dedicated 'To the one I am yet to find'. I thought it would be an ideal dual refrence to the happiness and faith, both I am yet to find.
I always thought it odd that, girls dreamt of a prince charming , one who would come on a white horse and take you away to a land far far away and live happily ever after. When I was desperated and depressed enough to start dreaming of ' happily ever after' as a reason to get up in the morning some how I conjured up an idea of a princess.
I argued to myself , if a girl can dream about a prince, why can I not, dream of a princess. I talk to my princess daily. She likes surprises. She it moody and tempermental. A little insane, just as I like it. I refer to my princess as "SHE" before my shrink. My princess gives my more comfort than anyone ever did. Apparently there is still a lot of shrinking to be done.
I am reading Don Quixote. I have prided myself of my intelligence almost everyday since I remember. But ..... ignorance is bliss. Is Don happy? Is Forest Gump happy? Is Dustin Hoffman in Rainman happy?. I like to believe they are. If not them, then who else.
'I will never feel better' is a conclusion, I arrived at one evening while riding in a bus in 2002 . I doubt if I have 'lived' even a single day since. Now I am beginning to wonder I 'lived' a single day before that either.
It is difficult to try to be happy when you don't know what happiness is.
